On a whim and by request of a friend, I came down to LA last night and
saw Twilight with some friends.

Continuing the adventure we decided to take in the Getty.

I was teaching Janis about music, specifically emo at a Hellogoodbye
concert.

Today we are teaching Claire about art as she has never been here
before.

Last night we taught Danny about fun and making good decisions.

What are you learning today?

Tonight at the El Corazon I got to see Never Shout Never, Play Radio
Play, Ace Enders, and Hellogoodbye.

We danced and sang our hearts out with a cool slice of the Seattle
scene.

While watching the different bands I was reminded how important I
think a good drummer is to a band. Take +44 for example. An amazing
drummer so therefore an amazing band.

So tonight was anothe proof for my theory. If you haven't heard these
kids, you should check them out.

Both in my line of work and in my personal life, I get quite a few requests for advice. The most common of those requests is from someone looking to make a significant change. The motivators are often negative, like getting laid off, or having a relationship fail. In my experience this is because most people are reactive, instead of proactive about many aspects of their lives. Yes, I am aware that I fall into this category pretty often, just like the next guy.

Recently my regular self-examination led me to realize that I too was getting stuck. Essentially, I was reacting to situations around me, instead of being deliberate about my choices. It seemed like a good idea therefore to give myself a recap on some fundamentals. I've included them in this post for those who might also find it helpful.

Grab A Habit
In this case I'm not talking about a nuns attire, but rather a practice or activity that you exercise every day. You might like something active like pilates, yoga, or swimming. Or perhaps you choose to write or do a puzzle. The actual habit isn't important, only that you establish some consistency. You need consistency so that your input and analytical processes can take a breather for a while. Doing something routine can help smooth the process of adopting changes.

Know Your Motivations
If you want to get somewhere else, it helps to know where you are and where you've been. You need to be very honest and clear about your situation and your future. It is important to understand what has been motivating you and driving your world view, because that is producing the situation and circumstances in which you find yourself.

Embrace Reality
The hardest thing most people will ever do is face the truths about themselves. You see this mirrored in the number of people who fear public speaking, and the lengths people go to hide themselves and their natures. Being able to accept yourself for precisely the person you have been will allow you to exert control over your own behaviors. We often need to be released from our own constraints and misconceptions so we can see the world as it truly is which is a requirement to be able to move fluidly within it. When walking around your house in the dark, don't pretend it isn't a cluttered mess. Rather know intimately where each pile and obstacle lies so that you can navigate smoothly.

Experience The Change
The best part of self-evolution is the process you will go through. Don't focus solely on the end-game. Drink in and savor each new habit, each new challenge, each little success. This doesn't just serve as a check-point to make sure you are on track. It's a vital part of growing and necessary for self-awareness. So relax and open yourself to the adventures. You won't just be more effective, you'll be more likeable and will like more as well.

My state is such that I once again can't create but feel the need to rip something from inside and show it. So I'll borrow the words from a favorite song writer of mine. Pathetic, I know. But since you aren't here to help...

--

Do you remember how we met?
Silhouetted by the lights...
You were drunk and tried to take a mental picture with your hands
I was thinking about that
And a bunch of other things
Stop looking at the floor...
I need to pour out this expansive dose of words.

I can't explain...
I need to be alone.

I know the timing isn't great
But these things, you just can't plan.
I just need a little time
So I can find myself again
'Cause I get buried underneath
All the things they think you are
And I'm too tired to pretend it doesn't hurt
To be left out

I had a pocket full of dreams
But I gave them all to you
Now I think I want them back
So can you tell me if I'm crazy or confused?
Don't ever change
The way you are
I've never loved anyone more.

- The Conversation from the album Even If It Kills Me by Motion City Soundtrack

Promises unrepaired don't hurt as do the pledges stillborn and silent. They are the lies we tell ourselves, the lines left out to make the leaving easier. Shading the truth to me built on the illicit and confusing cacophony in your own delusion. How am I to trust and treat in truth the words you use to handle and appease me?

I sense your fear and turmoil, turbulent and winding though your management may be.

Should I say I see your show you enact for this audience? Should I "Bravo!" and cheer or simply take my leave?

No argument will stand or suffice when the deception starts with self. No right repartee will pierce the veil and assuage the pain of your deceit. If you cannot share your shame, if my very being is so unbecoming, only tell me and the moment is passed.

To manage only makes more mess.

I've spent quite a bit of time in the last several years living and learning with the challenges of doing multi-site projects. From offshore development where I managed teams operating between the US and India, to near-shore development with teams on both coasts of America, to smaller engagements with 6 people in 3 west coast cities. I've had successes and not a few glorious failures. It's the pitfalls, missteps, and screw ups that helped me learn the most.

Recently, I was asked to give some feedback on the things that have the most impact to new multi-site engagements. This is a pretty common request these days and I've since written down my thoughts so I could present them more consistently. This post is a very succinct summation of the big ticket items.

Naturally, much of this advice would be tailored to the specific circumstances and players, but the items discussed in the post are all generically applicable. If your situation involves working with teams in India or Manila or Slovenia (as examples), you'd want to get some specific tips on dealing with those cultures. This is no different than if you will be working with any of the Native American nations or in Silicon Valley where there are special considerations. Always get the heads up so you can be sensitive to the culture in which you'll be working. But those are for other posts, on with the show.

My personal guide is an ordered list I cheekily refer to as the Four T's. In order of impact they are Trust, Time, Transparency, and Talking. I'll discuss each a little to explain what I mean.

Building and maintaining trust is the single most critical thing that can impact your engagement. It is extremely easy to take this for granted, especially since it seems so obvious. In reality, we rarely address issues of trust head-on in the corporate world, but they become very important when you don't have face-time to rely on in the relationship. Nothing builds trust as fast as personal bonding time, nothing destroys it faster than a lack of transparency. Once trust becomes compromised, every other facet becomes harder and more risky. Without trust, communication become s suspect and morphs from a tool into a weapon.

If you want to earn trust, get some face-time. Obviously, in the real world is best, but lacking that, get on a video chat. You have to be able to read and see body language. You have to find a way to bond and see each other as people not resources. You have to allow everyone to take the measure of everyone else and to fill in the mental picture that they'll remember and substitute into every other conversation regardless of media.

Recognize up front that coordination among parties in different physical locations is inherently going to take more time. It takes more iterations to verify directional correctness, ensure quality, and declare accomplishments. Everything just takes more time. Stop trying to pretend this isn't the case or even to minimize this to act like it won't. Just prepare and plan for the impact, embrace the reality when it occurs, and don't get cocky when things are going smooth and you think you can tighten up.

When it comes to operating transparently, make sure you are delivering messages properly. Any directional messages should be disseminated with the whole team at the same time. When possible, do all messaging to the entire team at once. Then reserve your smaller leadership group for issue resolution and check-pointing. This can feel unwieldy at first, but the dividends it pays in trust will more than make up for it. If you are suffering from any trust issues, this can be the only chance at repairing the damage and pulling the team back together.

Lastly, don't under-estimate the power of Talking. Emails do not carry tone or intent very well. They aren't very transparent so they wear down the trust and are the easiest road to miscommunication. This is not to imply you don't write things down. On the contrary, always follow up your conversations with a written summary of the talking points decisions, action items, etc. But as much as possible carry your meaningful conversations over voice. If you can add the element of your face and body language via video, this is all the better.

These are important things to consider as you move forward but the attitude in which you apply each of them is also critical. Remember that you aren't planning for efficiency, you plan so that you'll recognize the problems that WILL occur and fix them without a total collapse. This is similar to how automobiles are designed. Some years ago, some automobile companies made amazing and powerful engines but you had to take the whole thing apart to change the oil. Other companies came along with designs that weren't as efficient to run, and were a little more expensive to design and build. But the oil change was a simple thing anyone could do for a few dollars. Ultimately the more successful designs were those that made it easiest to deal with the challenges that were certain to arise (changing the oil) as efficiently as possible instead of trying to optimize for performance or build cost.

The last tip I'll offer in this post is about quality and standards. When doing multi-site engagements that involve parallel efforts or multiple work streams, consider separating the oversight for quality or standards enforcement into an isolated group. Leaving the oversight functions within the different operating units allows disparities in enforcement or standards to creep in. This often is construed as unfair advantage or favoritism or something equally nefarious. Left within each group this disparity is pretty unavoidable and is a very subtle disease that can do a lot of damage when left unchecked. Making a distinct group responsible for these functions will help avoid this issue and its variants. It can also serve as a single neck to choke when trouble does arise.

Don't forget that tips like these aren't any use if you don't treat people with respect and act with integrity.

It's been one of those days. So I'm putting up song lyrics because I can. Screw you Jereme.

--

Don't be so scared
We will not lead you on
Like you've been doing for weeks

So you're selfish and I'm sorry
When I'm gone
You'll be going nowhere fast
Nowhere fast, nowhere fast

Would you believe me
If I said I didn't need you?
'Cause I wouldn't believe you
If you said the same to me, and
Near death, last breath
And barely hanging on
Would you believe me
If I said I didn't need you?

Don't be so scared
To take a second for reflection
To take a leave of absence
See what you're made of

So I'm selfish and you're sorry
When I'm gone
You'll be going nowhere fast
So who's selfish and who's sorry?

Would you believe me
If I said I didn't need you?
'Cause I wouldn't believe you
If you said the same to me, and
Near death, last breath
And barely hanging on
Would you believe me
If I said I didn't need you?

Someone, somewhere said some things
That may have sparked some sympathy
But don't believe
Don't believe a word
You've heard about me

Don't be so scared
It's harder for me

Would you believe me
If I said I didn't need you?
'Cause I wouldn't believe you
If you said the same to me, and
Near death, last breath
And barely hanging on
Would you believe me
If I said I didn't need you?

Someone, somewhere said some things
That may have sparked some sympathy
But don't believe
Don't believe a word you've heard

Would you believe me
If I said I didn't need you?
'Cause I wouldn't believe you
Wouldn't believe you now

-- Skeptics and True Believers from the album Almost Here by The Academy Is..."

A few evenings back someone asked me about my feelings towards religion. Being very well-studied on the religions of the world, and a spiritual person to boot, I naturally have some opinions. I took the opportunity then to organize my thoughts and wrote down some notes on the subject.

Religions generally follow the same structure. My belief is that these commonalities exist because religion serves a common need within the human psyche and our minds have only limited ability to put context around certain concepts. These are sweeping generalizations that will be offensive to many because of their distillatory effect. If you care to continue, an open mind is best. I am in no way meaning to disparage or be offensive in any of the examples I will use. I merely picked religions that emphasized the specific points I wished to make. Quite frankly, I think all the religions have something to offer and strive not to be judgmental but rather analytical. Comments are of course, always welcome.

The core of any religion is the External Reality. This can be an entity or a force, it can be classified as spiritual, or physical, or natural, or combinatory. The only consistency is that it encompasses all of that which we perceive as outside our personal reality. It is something bigger than ourselves, and may include ourselves. It may be passive, or active, anthropomorphic or completely unknowable. In every case, the central element is that reality which is external to us as individuals.

There must then be a Personal Context relative to that External Reality. This again might be an orientation (I'm part of the universe!) or a positional (I serve my God!) or simply subjective (You are all living in my dream!). Explain it anyway you like, each religion has a way of making sense of the difference between you and me and other. The simplest might be that we're all the same, it is only time that allows our matter or energy to be different. More complicated might be that we are ants under the foot of cosmic deity. You get the idea.

When you know the players, then you need the Relationship. These are the rules or guidelines for how the players are connected or interact. Some structures are highly organized with commandments, edicts, punishments, etc. (Perform these rituals! Follow these commandments!) Others are simple and focus on personal attainment or just the essence of being (You need to be open to the universe!). This is usually what most people think about as the difference between religion and spirituality.

When we examine where your world-view becomes your religion, we start with the Responsibility to Share. The simplest of these are just a desire to educate those around us with the amazing enlightenment that we've achieved through blah, blah. The more complicated are the crusaders with mandates to convert the masses. When you stop constraining your beliefs to your own behaviors or morality it ceases to be a world-view and becomes religion. Again, this is my over-simplification and probably misappropriation of labels for the purposes of this discussion.

Lastly, a religious structure always has some form of Exclusivity. Obviously, if it were just a world view we wouldn't need to share it with others, it would just be the principles of how we exist in the world. When it becomes something we believe should influence others, it becomes a religion. This brings with it the notion that it isn't for everybody, or that somehow an adherence to the Relationship is a prerequisite to alignment within the structure. There are simple forms of this (You just aren't enlightened!) and complicated forms of this (Don't eat with the infidels! Unbelievers go to hell!).

When you distill the concepts of the world religions down to these subject areas, it becomes easy to view the overlaps and commonalities. Once you have a dictionary (or lexicon for the technically minded) we have a means to compare and contrast. More importantly we can make the case that the specifics of the religion become irrelevant for the formation and appreciation of spirituality. Much like cultures that share common roots but hold to their vehement differences we can say the same thing using different words and argue ad nauseum about why we disagree.

When it comes to education, these commonalities work to our advantage. Essentially, an immature mind while unable to appreciate many of the nuances that the observant use to separate religions can certain grasp the basics of almost any religion. As they develop within a particular religion they are learning the nature of spirituality, and how to identify and exercise their faith and morality. As they mature, they can hopefully learn to minimize the exclusionist principles of their specific religion and embrace a more universal aspect of their own spirituality and moral context. Naturally, the more exclusionist the religion, the harder this is for the individual. For example, look how hard it can be to leave a cult, or the penalties for ceasing to be Muslim.

The limiting factors for personal spiritual development are typically the strength of their own sense of self and the extent their self-image is supported by the religion or exclusionist principles. Consider a woman raised in a traditionally male-centric religion such as Mormonism. It can be hard to establish their own spiritual identity in a more universal way because of the mindset in which their self-image is more reliant on a male influence.

No discussion would be complete without addressing the concept of atheism. Essentially, this world-view is a lack of awareness or acceptance of the first principle (that being there exists a reality external to oneself). Intellectually this shows a fundamental immaturity in personal development and a basic self-centeredness that leads to unpredictable and therefore flawed reasoning. The ability to acknowledge a reality outside of oneself is foundational to any discussion of morality or relationships.

In the end, you wind up in a religion because of how you were raised, or what reinforces your personal world-view. Once you learn to embrace the commonalities with other religions it opens to the door to much better understanding of their world-views. Often this is the key to getting in touch with your own sense of self.

Good luck with that.

I thought it was time to share some of my writings once again. This one in particular is petty, simple, and trite. But then what did you really expect?

---

Pardon my sense of the obvious
It's quiet tonight and I still hear your voice
ringing in my ears
The image of you in my mind
stops my breath and my sight
stills my hammering yammering world
all at once.

For just a single hot heartbeat
I lose all my senses
my hands are as cold as my chest
it is burning the yearning intensifies
as I relive it
and crashing my pulse starts again
only racing this time
as thoughts and reality interrupt to remind me
I'm sitting amidst this whole crowd
who are totally separate and serve
to reveal my despair and my drowning

I'm here without you but only in body
within my soul you wait
for I have your promise
you won't leave me sitting alone

Your whispered words find me
your needing and and pleading in my memory
bring me back to my senses
awake from the dreaming
one moment of memory enough to consume me
and leave me elated frustrated sated

Your touch I've awaited to tell me
completely without reservation
no more hesitations
you match me
you'll find me in these quiet moments
when even my ears betray
your voice will find a way
from inside my memory
to free me to ecstasy

If only for a heart span I would trade
the pause in reality that comes from
one single stolen moment with you

If the shadow of single memory of you
undoes me with such abandon
how dare I imagine I might survive
the bliss of a world and day in which
your touch is truly mine

I worry fretting that there are not
sufficient depths in me to contain
the light that is your smiling untiring
incomparable companionship

In the loud words resounding in my head
I say I seek a partner
in this still solitude
I hear your whispered voice ringing in my ears
and pray only that I am found worthy
of that which I've discovered