It doesn't matter where I go, how long I have been there, or who I'm surrounded by. Sooner or later, the conversation begins to repeat itself. Someone starts talking about making a play, striking out in an endeavor, taking risks, making investments. Sometimes it is very simple and clear, "I want to make a bunch of money". Other times it is less so, "I'm nervous about [insert your favorite: retirement, kids college fund, taking care of parents, dying, etc.]."

In all cases, the pivotal part of the conversation is when they realize that their road is always directed more by what they will not do, then what they truly want to do. Everyone is aware on some level of the things they want in their life. Few are aware on any deliberate level of the things they do NOT in their life. The sad part is that most of their situations are directed in the larger part because of the choices they continue to make in avoiding some things, rather than the deliberate decisions they make to embrace other things. Knowing what you WILL NOT do, is much more meaningful and impactful than knowing what you WILL do. Unfortunately, getting this backward is much more common, probably because it is much easier.

Day to day
Where do you want to be?
'Cos now you're trying to pick a fight
With everyone you meet

You seem like a soldier
Who's lost his composure
You're wounded and play a waiting game
In no-man's land, no-one's to blame

See the world
Find an old fashioned girl
And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you earnt

-- See The World by Gomez

Making money is easy. Figuring out which of the many ways to do that will fit your specific desires and contributions for Risk/Reward/Reputation/Rapport/Resolve.

It has been said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. As humans we have always looked to the strongest, the most powerful, or the smartest for direction and guidance. We naturally tend to examine the behaviors of those around us to guide what we think and how we act. Our parents, our coaches, our priests, and our warriors all take their place as role models. These days even our athletes, actors, and artists are considered role models.

Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you.
-- Philippians 3:17

The greatest imitators are children and the immature. Growing up we try to walk like our fathers and mothers, we dress like our siblings or friends, and we take on the mannerisms and speech of those we admire. In the past, it was felt that most imitation begins at home. These days, a case could be made that most imitation is for things outside the home, on tv, or on film.

This attempt to establish public figures as role models isn't new. In the early 19th century, a man named Parson Weems wrote the now famous "Life of Washington". This book provided young Americans with someone to emulate. Specifically in this book was the cherry tree myth which was designed to praise Washington's honesty and inspire others to tell the truth regardless of personal cost.

Today books are considered less pervasive then film. Even today though, if Oprah Winfrey endorses a book, it is nearly guaranteed to sell millions of copies. Advertisers and manufacturers take advantage of the cult following around celebrities and agree to pay huge sums to athletes and performers to represent their brands. When famous person X is shown to eat a particular food or wear particular fashions then others will imitate these behaviors.

This same effect follows religions as well. In your walk, who are you imitating? How have your beliefs been impacted by the celebrities around you? Is your faith the result of books or The Book?

In my own daily life, I struggle somewhat with who I am following, but even more with a bigger question. Is my walk something I would encourage others imitate? Am I even someone worth following?

In the last couple days I've had the same conversation about a dozen times. I guess that is good thing because it means I get to perfect at least my portion of the dialog. Unfortunately I have so little to offer in the conversations these days that even a practiced diatribe is still so mind-numbing as to bore a koala bear into a stupor.

There are a few lights at the end of the proverbial tunnel though. Firstly, the routine is gelling well. This is important and relevant (as my friend, M, would say). Secondly, thanks to other input from people I grow to respect more and more every day, I am managing to "chill" (yes, that is a technical term!) and revel in some relationships that are important to me. This may sound obvious to you, but as a classic over-intellectualizing, perfectionist, goofball, even the baby steps are worth celebrating.

It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.
- The Scandal of Father Brown (The Point of a Pin)

Letting my mind loose to wander and recreate leads me all kinds of places. Once again I find myself waking up with creative ideas, encouragements for others to be delivered, potential plans to produce happiness around me, and even the occasional course correction for myself. When allow your mind the freedom to feel, the room to breathe, you'd be amazed how Technicolor things become again.

Now if I can just make it through another couple weeks until I see my babies again. . .

How do you provide feedback to the people that work for you? How does your company review employees? Do you have a cyclic review period tied to compensation? Does everyone scramble around every 6 months or so to collect and deliver evaluations of each employee? If so, I feel sorry for you.

If the people you work with every day aren't providing you feedback daily, then they have no right to show up at the end with a list of could-haves and should-haves. What kind of teammates hold back any information that truly would improve your behavior? The progress you make to improve is something that doesn't happen with a summarized list once or twice a year. It is a daily grind that demands you get unflinching, constructive, and contextual feedback from your peers, your leaders, and your subordinates. Anything less is just an exercise in whining and collective finger-pointing.

The same is true for customer feedback. Customers tell you when you aren't behaving as they would like. If they don't it is because they recognize other forms of value you might bring. Or they ask you to leave. They vote with their pocketbook every day. Just because someone has rough edges doesn't mean the customer doesn't see the value in that edge. Now mind you, I'm only talking about singling out individuals here. Success as a corporation or on an engagement basis still absolutely requires that you measure their satisfaction at intervals, and definitely seek engagement feedback with post-mortems and such. Even with your peers and teammates these are good practices. The point of those exercises is to collect information corporately, meaning "as a group" or collectively. It allows the aggregate experiences, the sum of the value-exchanges, the result of the processes and approaches to be refined and improved. They can't successfully be used for isolating out individual performance if for no other reason then the ineffectiveness caused by the time-delay and lack of context. What was uncomfortable or outrageous in one context can be completely justified if the delivery priorities are met. You have to examine the parts as they relate to the whole, not independently. You can't separate the means from the ends, even if they don't always justify each other.

When it comes to personal feedback I would go so far as to say that if you have feedback to give someone and you don't provide it in a timely manner, then you are the more at fault. Consider how we excuse the behaviors of others around us all the time. There may be some aspect of the context, the value-exchange, or their behavior that balances things out. There may be something there in the moment, at the time you noticed the behavior that allowed you to see past whatever negative things you'd like to complain about. Maybe you emphasized with the situation at the time, or made allowances because you noticed other positive side-effects. As you watched the reactions, maybe you agreed with the messages or appreciated someone else's unique predicament. Or maybe you were just lazy. But if in the moment, when you noticed the behavior, it wasn't significant enough for you to speak up, then you can't bring it up later and beat them over the head with it, out of context. When you no longer have the balance of the empathy, or the clarity of the context, you can't assume you are really being objective. Was the intern rude to interrupt your meeting, or did he save you thousands of dollars by catching a costly mistake just in time? Was voicing objections to a potentially bad decision a good idea, or inflexibility? It may be that she is defending her decisions because she is self-serving, or perhaps she realizes that not speaking out now will open a door for future liability? As any good consultant will tell you, the right answers always start with "it depends".

All of this is not to say that it isn't possible to notice trends over time. Sometimes behaviors are subtle enough, or we are lazy enough, that we need to see the same patterns repeated before we notice the effect. It may have to occur several times before we have enough data points to take umbrage. This is very realistic and understandable. But still we must realize that that at some point, you did know. You became aware and cognizant that the latest data-point was the one that showed the pattern. You witnessed the latest exchange, you noted the recent behavior, you said to yourself "they're doing it again". It is at that moment, that you have a choice. Give the feedback, or store it up as ammunition to blast them with later. My suggestion is: don't be a punk.

Of course, just because I think feedback should be frequent, contextual, specific and time-sensitive doesn't mean I think you can interrupt processes, dialogs, or other exchanges just to give that feedback. I am not ignoring or dismissing the necessity of propriety and appropriateness. Sometimes you do need to set something aside so that progress can be completed, so that events can unfold, and this is fine. The trick is not to let things go. Don't let them fester and build up with time. Find (or make!) time to engage that person and encourage them with what you have noticed. If you care enough to give them feedback, if your feedback is meaningful enough that you expect it to be well received, then it needs to be delivered swiftly and surely. If it is something you can wait months to tell them about, it probably isn't worth spending the time on. If you can't be bothered to help them alter their behavior by giving them feedback right after the meeting that went so poorly, then it must not have been so earth-moving that it needs to come up again at review time. If your feedback is truly impactful, you owe that person a chance to show that they can take your feedback and apply it. If it was just anecdotal or just your opinion on things that might somehow in some subtle or subjective way make them more "successful" (whatever that means!), then you surely can tell them in a forum that won't adversely affect their salary and standing.

In my mind, your compensation should be appropriate for the value you bring the company, not fluctuating to the randomness of some subjective standard. Getting evaluation feedback that helps you improve should be an every day occurrence, not a special event. If you only get a few special events they should be encouraging and uplifting. So if you want to use an evaluation result as a reward or incentive, then direct it for that purpose specifically. Linking it with personal development improvement items sends too many mixed messages and often only reinforces the bad behaviors and laziness of managers unable or unwilling to invest in their individuals.

Does your organize only provide for evaluations at milestones that are spread far apart? If your role requires that you review others, perhaps you could try to focus on and celebrate the positives. Use the special occasion to encourage and build up, rather than tear down. There will be plenty of time to talk about how they can improve at a later time. Like tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that.

The crushing thing about doing two-a-day workouts is the monotony. Wake up, go to the gym. Go to work, go to the gym, go to bed. Repeat. Effectively, you are in the gym at least one hour out of every twelve.

Sometimes this is great in that it makes things very stable and predictable. The routine can act as an anchor; a stabilizing effect on the chaos that normally is life. And let us face it, who doesn't need a little monotony from time to time?

For me, this routine is really helping me cope with missing my babies and the pressures of working in a hostile environment. One of my good friends encouraged me the other day with his perspective on how I've been changing. The fact that he would notice is in and of itself, remarkable.

In the past, it has been easy for me to dismiss the apparent shallowness of certain locales. As with many things, prolonged first-hand experience has altered those perceptions in subtle ways. For one, I harbor an increased respect for the vastness of knowledge and experience sheltered in the heterogeneity of this particular locale. The insightfulness and value I've gained from my associations here are not to be lightly dismissed. There can exist realism amidst the glitz and glamour. Oh yes.

Even though I am at best a novice in the emotional field in which I currently find myself playing, it brings me great confidence to have such sophisticated and senior players on my side. Even if only circumspectly and fleeting. After all, with so little to lose, why not risk it? It is like your first apartment with all the crappy furniture. So what if it all burns down? You would only be out a few bucks at the most. Being willing to let the chips fall, let the dice roll, is a trait for which I have to come to have a deeper appreciation. It's definitely harder than it looks.

In my recent work-life, I've been noticing a recurring conversation. Mostly the subject of the dialogue goes by names like Motivation, Incentive, or Compensation. At the heart I find they contend with the same concepts, they just take different forms depending on the vocabulary of the participants.

How do you decide that the cost to you for expending your labor continues to be worth whatever you gain by doing so?

How do you know if the juice is worth the squeeze?

The flip-side of this equation is equally important to understand when you are in a position of leadership. Regardless of the words you use, the same exchange takes place. You might call them resources or employees, contributors or individuals, children or parents, spouses or significant others, all these are participants in the various value exchanges we participate in every day. You might call it money, freedom, pleasure, power, contribution, or simply productivity; these are all substitutes for the value in a value-exchange.

When you are trying to get productivity out of contributors (or money out an employer) it only works successfully if the value systems between the two parties have some overlap that can be shared. You can't expect an employee to work for free, you can't expect to be paid if you haven't delivered.

It seems like these value-exchanges would be simple, but in reality it's what causes all the office tension and much of strife in our personal relationships. My current perception is that this is because we tend to hide our true value-systems. We hide them from each other, from our employer, our spouses, and most noticeably from ourselves.

Think about the last time you saw someone complaining about not getting paid enough to you, but then asking the boss for more training, or more vacation time. I witness people hiding their value-systems all the time. They talk about having "interesting" work, when they really only want more responsibility. They complain about working overtime, when they really just want to choose their own working hours.

Even the simple exchanges are difficult enough but when you add the group dynamics, and the comparisons that are invariably made between different value systems, things get even more complicated. You can hardly give out raises to satisfy a person who is driven by financial incentives if most of your workforce is motivated by non-monetary benefits. You can't expect to motivate people with extras and intangible benefits if the financial incentive is non-existent.

My friend said it very well the other day:

I will behave exactly as you incent me to. -- H

If you aren't getting the response you want from your employees, or your boss, from your spouse or from your kids. Then you might examine the value-systems being exchanged. A good analytical review might really surprise you.

My son is celebrating his birthday. He is beautiful and amazing and a most remarkable person. When I struggle to be the man I want to be, thinking of him cuts through any paralysis or rationale. To see him happy is one of the most profound joys I've ever known.




My hope for all of you is that in some way, you will come to know someone, anyone, as cool as my son. If you find someone like that in your life, then have been truly blessed.

So it's Monday (again!) and yet again I have to accept the fact that I am just too busy. In an entire weekend, I couldn't find even the small amount of time to go check out the new Finding Nemo ride at Disneyland.

Okay, so that might strike you as an odd way to measure the success of a weekend, but it works for me.

You see, it isn't just that I am busy, it is the times in which I find myself occupied. If you're out late, you get up late. You get up late, you workout late, and so on. Until finally, you realize it is monday and even the simple things you set out in your mind todo you've completely glossed over.

Surely, I'm not the only one with an unrealized short-term goal? How the heck are the rest of you figuring this out?

Rant over. Back to work. Have a great week, everyone.

As I meander along minding my own concerns and attempting to bring light and joy to those around me, I continue to flounder in my own self-absorption.

Friends I try to support feel isolated and abandoned. Negative nonsense from naysayers surrounding me weigh on my heart when I should shed their silliness like soot from a chimney.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
-- Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936) The Man who was Orthodox

You would think being a more or less mature adult, even one as childish of heart as I, would render you more or less immune to the potential pitfalls from the perverted perceptions of people I don't normal respect. Alas.

The good news in all this misery is that I learn from my failures. The more failures, the more learning. Or at least that's the theory.

It helps that in addition to the unsupportive types surrounding me, I also have the uplifting and enlightened ones as well. If you must visit hell, bring angels. If you must go to war, bring soldiers. In my life, I've been blessed to have access to both.

Lately I've been watching a couple of social networks really take off. Mostly from the standpoint of how I might take advantage of their numbers for various professional reasons.

As I've been considering each of their unique perspectives, usage models, and participation, it was interesting to me how many of them really only thrive on a form of peer-pressure. They don't have to actually be valuable in and of themselves. You simply get sucked in because someone you know dragged you into it via their email address book.

Obviously someone must be finding value in these services or they wouldn't thrive. But how much energy are those who really find the services rewarding putting into them? Is this just another avenue for someone who already spends significant effort? Or does it help even the generally anti-social to become more social?

Have you been one of those lurkers who doesn't participate? You join and then forget about it. Were you at one time? What prompted your activity? Did you one day recognize some value, or have one of the sites serve some need? Did that create a turning point for you?

I can't help but think that these services are only as good as the value that individuals put into them. But then empirical evidence counters that the case must be different. Otherwise, how would any peer-to-peer technology ever take off? Surely even the sum of a bunch of lurkers must provide some value. And every time a lurker becomes involved, even if only marginally, that must increase the value of the system in a meaningful way.

Now I have to go research this. Anyone have answers they give to save me some reading?

One of my friends was kind enough to send me a pointer today about Cirque Du Soleil tickets going on sale from TicketMaster.


I absolutely love the Cirque shows and I've seen most of them. I routinely travel around just to check out the touring shows.

If you have never seen a Cirque Du Soleil show, I highly, highly recommend you check it out. There is a special you can find out about at http://www.ticketmaster.com/summerofcirque?tm_link=tm_home_f7 that is putting up really amazing seats for just $50 this summer in Las Vegas.

There has never been a better time! If you wanna go, just ping me. I'd be glad to help make this happen because I'm always up for introducing people to this most spectacular and inspiring of entertainment.

The mid-week holiday isn't the best holiday. But at this point, I'll take what I can get.

Yesterday was fun and chaotic. Or perhaps it was mayhem and merriment. In any case, I truly enjoyed a mellow evening with good friends chatting and chilling to celebrate our nations birthday.

While I won't say I need to recreate more (I mean, let's face it, I screw around a LOT!) it is always good to get a reminder that recreating with friends is healthy. It clears your mind and resets all the brainwashing. The brainwashing you endure from other people, and the particularly insidious brainwashing you perform on yourself.

Now I need a day to relax and rest from my recreation. Working the day after Independence Day? Just crazy.

My devotion this morning covered Luke 19. It is the story of the tax collector Zacchaeus.

The thing I noticed right away was how ambitious, deliberate, and motivated Zacchaeus behaves in the story. When he can't see, he climbs a tree. When he feels compelled to realign his value system, he does it. Unflinching, without hesitation, no delays.

The unworthy person develops his wealth at the expense of his character.
The mature person develops his character by means of his wealth.
-- Mr. Smarter-Than-Me

Why can't I be more like Zacchaeus? When called to the mat, when short-comings are clear, why can't I change so easily. Do I just lack faith?

Perhaps I'm standing in the crowd and I just can't see clearly enough my Savior. Instead of watching out only for the big decisions that will cement and clarify my commitment; should I instead find a fig tree and widen my view?

Choosing to not settle for the perspective we have, to mingle in the crowd like sheep, seems such a subtle thing. In the story about Zacchaeus it becomes clear how even the littlest decisions we make can become excruciatingly pivotal.